Mixed Messages Make Sleep Harder

When you're in the thick of sleepless nights, clingy naps, and emotional meltdowns (from baby and you), it's easy to reach for whatever feels like it might just get you through the moment. And I get it—you’re tired, your baby is tired, and it’s incredibly hard to stay steady when nothing feels like it’s working.

But here’s the honest truth I’ve seen time and again: when our approach to sleep keeps changing based on how hard the day feels, it creates even more struggle—especially for your baby.

Inconsistency Sends Mixed Messages

Babies are brilliant little learners. They’re constantly scanning for patterns, and they quickly adapt to the routines and responses we set in place. If sometimes sleep happens in the crib, sometimes in the swing, and other times in your arms... your baby doesn’t know what to expect. And that’s really confusing for them.

It becomes a bit of a guessing game:
“Do I fall asleep on my own today?”
“Or will someone rock me if I cry long enough?”
“Wait—why was that different this time?”

The result? More crying, more resistance, and more frustration on both sides.

Why Consistency Builds Confidence (Yes, Even for Babies)

When we respond to sleep (or feeding, or boundaries in general) the same way each time, our babies learn what to expect. And when they know what to expect, they feel safe. It doesn’t mean there won’t be tears, especially during transitions or developmental leaps, but it does mean your baby can begin to connect the dots:

“Ah, this is the part where I go to sleep. I know how to do this.”

Consistency is how we reinforce the skills you’ve already worked hard to teach—like independent sleep. But when we shift the plan based on the difficulty of the moment, we unknowingly undo that progress.

I’ve seen families go from one wake-up a night to five, simply because of too much bouncing between methods. And I’ve also seen exhausted parents reclaim peaceful nights by doubling down on a consistent routine—yes, even after weeks of chaos.

But What About Teething? Or Illness? Or a Bad Day?

Life isn’t perfect, and I’ll never ask you to push through in a way that feels cold or rigid. You’re allowed to offer comfort. You’re allowed to snuggle. You’re allowed to break the “rules” when your gut tells you it’s the right thing to do.

But know this: the real issue most times isn’t teething, or a rough day, or a missed nap. It’s the inconsistency.

When babies experience too many changes in how we respond—especially during sleep—it becomes harder for them to settle, not easier. And often, the inconsistency leads to more crying, not less.

If You’re Feeling Stuck, You’re Not Alone

Sometimes, we have to reset. And that’s okay. If your baby used to fall asleep independently and now seems to have forgotten how, you’re not doing anything wrong. Re-sleep training is common, especially after travel, illness, developmental shifts, or just plain survival mode. You’re not failing. You’re human. And the good news? It’s fixable.

You’ve likely already laid some great groundwork. The key now is to reinforce it. And the sooner we commit to a consistent plan, the sooner things get better—for everyone.

What You Can Do Today

• Pick a plan—and stick with it for at least 3–5 days. It’s not always about finding the “perfect” method, but about giving your baby enough time to understand and adapt.

• Make your expectations predictable—for naps, bedtime, and night wakings. Repetition breeds familiarity, which breeds comfort.

• Check in with yourself. Are you changing your response because your baby needs it—or because the moment is hard? If it’s the latter, that’s your signal to take a deep breath and lean into consistency.

• Ask for help. You don’t have to do this alone. Whether it’s a partner, a family member, or working with a consultant, support makes all the difference.

Parenting isn’t about perfection. It’s about doing your best, learning as you go, and showing up with love—even when you’re running on fumes.

If sleep feels broken right now, take heart: your baby isn’t broken, and neither are you. You may just need to shift from “getting through it” to “getting consistent.”

Because consistency? That’s the secret sauce. And it works.