“Why Is Bedtime Taking Over an Hour?”
You start bedtime at a reasonable hour… but suddenly it’s 8:45 p.m., you’ve been rocking, feeding, patting, and pacing for over an hour, and your baby is still not asleep. You’re exhausted. They're overtired. And every night feels like Groundhog Day.
So what gives?
Let’s walk through the common reasons bedtime drags on forever—and what you can do to make it smoother, faster, and less stressful for everyone.
What a Long Bedtime Is Really Telling You
If bedtime is taking 45+ minutes every night, that’s usually a sign that something is off—whether it’s timing, routine, or the role you’re playing in helping your child fall asleep.
Here are the most common reasons bedtime becomes a marathon:
1. Bedtime Is Too Late (or Too Early)
This surprises a lot of parents, but the #1 cause of long, drawn-out bedtimes is overtiredness. When your child is up too long before bed, their body releases cortisol (a stress hormone), making it harder for them to settle—even if they’re clearly exhausted.
On the flip side, if bedtime is too early, they may simply not be tired enough yet.
🛠 Fix it:
Check your child’s wake window before bed. Is it age-appropriate?
Try adjusting bedtime earlier or later by 15–30 minutes and see what changes.
Watch your child’s cues—rubbing eyes, zoning out, getting hyper—those are clues.
2. The Routine Is Too Long (or Too Stimulating)
If your bedtime routine involves too many steps, last-minute snacks, screen time, or playtime that gets everyone riled up, your baby may be overstimulated or just too engaged to settle down.
🛠 Fix it:
Keep your routine calm, consistent, and short (20–30 minutes max).
Do the same 3–5 steps in the same order every night—bath, pajamas, feeding, books, cuddles.
Keep lighting low, voices soft, and activities soothing.
3. Your Baby Needs Your Help to Fall Asleep
If your baby is used to falling asleep with you—whether it's rocking, feeding, patting, bouncing—they may not feel ready to drift off until that familiar thing happens just right.
The trouble? It becomes harder and harder to transfer them without waking, and they may resist sleep until it feels “just so.”
🛠 Fix it:
Gradually shift from doing sleep to them to doing sleep with them, and eventually helping them do it on their own.
Consider a gentle sleep training method if you're ready for more independence.
4. You’re Getting Stuck in the Negotiation Zone (for Toddlers)
For toddlers and preschoolers, a long bedtime can turn into a delay tactic: “One more book!” “I need water!” “I have to go potty again!”
This usually signals a boundary issue, not a sleep issue.
🛠 Fix it:
Set firm limits with loving confidence: “Two books, then lights out.”
Give choices within the routine: “This book or that one?” “Brush teeth first or pajamas first?”
Use a bedtime chart or visual routine to reinforce what’s next.
5. There’s an Underlying Sleep Association or Regression
Sometimes a long bedtime shows up suddenly—after a vacation, illness, developmental leap, or big change (like a new sibling or crib transition). Your baby may be looking for more comfort, or just temporarily off track.
🛠 Fix it:
Stay consistent with your routine and sleep expectations.
Offer extra cuddles during the day and wind-down time before bed.
If you're starting to become the sleep crutch, slowly ease back toward more independence.
What’s a Healthy Bedtime Process Supposed to Look Like?
A solid bedtime routine should take 20–30 minutes. Once the lights go out, your baby or toddler should fall asleep within 10–20 minutes max. Longer than that? That’s your cue something needs adjusting.
Final Thoughts
If bedtime feels like an Olympic event every night, something’s not working—and it’s okay to admit that. The good news? It’s fixable. Once you land on the right schedule, streamline your routine, and set consistent boundaries or expectations, bedtime gets easier. Calmer. Shorter. More peaceful.
And that means everyone gets more rest.
Need help figuring out exactly what’s throwing bedtime off? Let’s work through it together—so you can finally get your evenings back.